The Unseen Side of Motherhood
When you think of a mother, what comes to mind? A nurturing figure, a selfless caregiver, a beacon of hope—perhaps a "human unicorn," as Saraswati Datar puts it. But rarely do we picture her as a woman with desires, especially sexual ones. The moment a woman becomes a mother, society—and the media—often erases her sexuality, boxing her into an idealized, asexual role. Why is that? And what does it cost her?
As we approach Mother’s Day 2025, let’s peel back the layers of this phenomenon. From the subtle hints of intimacy in Badhai Ho to the bold exceptions in Lust Stories 2, this post dives into why mothers are stripped of their sexuality in cinema, OTT platforms, and societal perception—and why it’s time for a change.
The Asexual Mother: A Persistent Trope in Media
In movies and shows, mothers are rarely portrayed as sexual beings. Their identities revolve around their children, and any hint of desire is either absent or treated as a punchline. Consider these examples:
Kirti Kulhari as Anjana in Four More Shots Please! is a rare mother shown getting intimate with multiple partners. Yet, her youth, attractiveness, and single status make her an "acceptable" exception.
In Badhai Ho, Neena Gupta’s Priyamvada gets pregnant in her late forties, but her intimacy with her husband is cloaked in metaphors—thunder, rain, and proximity—rather than shown outright.
Khujli teases kink with Jackie Shroff and Neena Gupta, but ends ambiguously, leaving intimacy to the imagination.
Older mothers or those with post-childbirth bodies are almost never depicted as sexy. When they are, it’s often comical (think the lustful dadi from The Kapil Sharma Show) or taboo, like cougars or unfaithful wives. This desexualization sends a clear message: motherhood and sexuality don’t mix.
Why It’s a Problem: By erasing mothers’ sexuality, media reinforces the idea that they exist only for others, not themselves.
The Male Gaze: Who Decides What’s Sexy?
A major reason mothers vanish from sexual narratives is the male gaze—the lens through which much of cinema is crafted. With fewer women filmmakers, men largely dictate who gets to be "sexy." The result?
Women are objectified, valued for male pleasure rather than their own agency.
Mothers, especially older ones, don’t fit the youthful, unattached ideal, so they’re sidelined.
Historically, mothers in films wept over sewing machines, passed down revenge, or controlled their kids’ lives as nagging stereotypes. Stepmothers (sauteli ma) fared worse, cast as evil fairy-tale villains. Rarely were they individuals with desires beyond their maternal roles.
The Takeaway: Until diverse voices—especially women’s—shape storytelling, mothers will remain desexualized on screen.
Society’s Pedestal: Reverence Over Reality
Why can’t we imagine mothers as sexual? Society puts them on a pedestal, labeling them Devki, Durga, or Lakshmi—divine figures above human flaws like desire. Fathers, meanwhile, remain fallible, congratulated for the bare minimum. This double standard:
Idealizes mothers as pure and selfless, stripping them of personal needs.
Makes it taboo to see them as regular people with sexual agency.
Saraswati Datar captures it perfectly: “What I miss most is the permission to be wrong, mediocre, selfish, unhappy and imperfect.” Motherhood demands sacrifice, but it shouldn’t demand the erasure of a woman’s humanity—including her sexuality.
Real-Life Impact: This reverence isolates mothers, pressuring them to suppress their desires to fit an impossible mold.
Breaking the Mold: Films That Dare to Differ
Thankfully, some stories challenge the norm, offering hope for change:
Amruta Subhash as Seema in Lust Stories 2 has sex with her husband in a cramped, realistic setting—a rare portrayal of intimacy amid parenthood’s chaos.
In The Sky is Pink, Priyanka Chopra and Farhan Akhtar play parents of teens with an active sex life, defying the "asexual parent" trope.
Married Woman features Riddhi Dogra as a mother exploring love with another woman, showcasing desire’s complexity.
Kalyug (Shyam Benegal) shows Reema Lagoo and Kulbhushan Kharbanda enjoying intimacy post-parenthood.
These exceptions matter. They prove mothers can be multidimensional—nurturing yet sexual, selfless yet human.
Why It’s Progress: These portrayals normalize mothers’ sexuality, chipping away at outdated stereotypes.
The Call for Change: Realism Over Reverence
Motherhood is transformative, exhausting, and fulfilling—but it doesn’t erase a woman’s identity. This Mother’s Day 2025, we need media to reflect that truth with:
Diverse Portrayals: Show mothers of all ages, body types, and backgrounds as sexual beings.
Authentic Stories: Let mothers express desire without shame or comedy.
Balanced Perspective: Replace reverence with realism, acknowledging mothers’ full humanity.
This shift benefits everyone. It frees mothers from stifling ideals and teaches society to see them as whole people.
How You Can Help: Watch and share films like The Sky is Pink or Lust Stories 2. Demand better representation from creators.
Celebrating Mothers, Desires and All
This Mother’s Day, let’s honor mothers not just for their sacrifices but for their complexity. Society and media have long stripped them of their sexuality, but exceptions like Anjana, Seema, and Priyamvada’s subtle rebellion show change is possible. “Maa ke paas bhi desire hain”—mothers have desires too. It’s time we let them be seen, heard, and celebrated as the full, flawed, beautiful humans they are.
What do you think? How should media portray mothers’ sexuality? Share your thoughts in the comments below!